Whatever you reject is what you need to learn

 It's nothing to love someone who likes you.

If you love someone who loves you, you won't get any points.

To love someone you don't like, you will definitely learn something in life.

Love someone who blames you for no reason, and you learn the art of life.

                                                                                   ——Indian master Guruj

Rule 1: Look at the inside from the outside, and look at yourself from others. Through others, you can know who you really are.

What you see from others is actually yourself.

Our opinion of others depends mainly on what they make us see ourselves, not how we see them.

All your interpersonal relationships are a mirror. Only through them can you know who you really are.

In the process of discovering the other person, unknowingly you are also discovering yourself. To understand his feelings and thoughts, you also understand yourself better, and you become each other's mirror.

If you feel that your partner has lost enthusiasm for you, it may be because you have lost enthusiasm for him; as a marriage expert said: "If our marriage becomes boring, it may be because I feel boring, or worse, I This person is boring."

In fact, those who disgust you are helping you. They help you understand yourself and make you aware of your dark side. This is why the closer we are to a person, the easier it is to disgust, because he allows you to see who you really are.

The place that others hate you most is usually the place that you can't stand yourself the most.

Rule 2: What kind of person you are, you will think of what others are like. You cannot tolerate the part of others, you cannot tolerate the part of yourself.

 A person with a bad character will doubt the character of others; a person who is not loyal to others will also doubt the loyalty of others to him; a person who is dishonest and dishonest will take any actions of others" Want to be crooked" because he is that kind of person. A person who has bad thoughts about other women will naturally suspect his own woman. People who always encounter nasty things are often nasty people. People who like to pick people's faults are actually the ones who are the most faulty; those who like to make irresponsible remarks, in fact, are the ones who are the least at fault.

If you lose your temper a lot, you will think that others often make you angry, and everything may become a reason for your anger. It's not that everything is wrong, but you will project, you will project what is hidden within yourself onto others. You will condemn everyone and everything, because you have too much anger, so even small things can ignite anger.

Similarly, what others say to you also reflects who they are and their inner world. They criticize you most likely because they are dissatisfied with themselves, and even they themselves are the "type of person" they criticize.

When your heart is going to be good, you will stop criticizing others and reacting to others' criticism.

If you throw a stone at a tree full of apples, only apples will fall, no matter who throws it. A truly good person, no matter what you do to him, he will only show peace and kindness, because he is that kind of person.

 

Rule 3: What kind of person you are attracted to. Whatever you reject externally, reject what internally.

Generally speaking, those who we get along well reflect our inner self-face that we like and accept; and those who we don’t like also reflect our unhappy and unacceptable inner self.

It is better to teach them how to live in harmony than to teach them to make their hearts harmonious, so that they will naturally be in harmony; to teach them how to increase mutual feelings, it is better to teach them to increase self-growth, so that their relationship will naturally grow.

When someone asks me how to improve the relationship, I always tell them: "First you have to go deep inside. Unless your inner problems are solved first, you will not only not be able to improve, but you will also create more problems."

A person with a desire to control cannot let go of others and liberate himself unless the inner emptiness is filled; a person full of resentment cannot stop resentment unless his inner resentment is relieved (don’t know Look up the word in the dictionary, ha ha); a person who loves jealousy, unless he can find confidence in him and no longer compares with others, he cannot stop being jealous.

Everyone's external words and deeds are manifestations of internal thoughts. If you cannot trust yourself, it is difficult to trust others; if you cannot respect yourself, it is difficult to respect others; if you cannot be sure of yourself, it is difficult to be sure of others; if you cannot illuminate yourself, it is impossible to illuminate others.

When couples hurt each other without love, I will not tell them how to love each other, but ask them to learn to love themselves first, because hurting each other is actually hurting themselves.

Your relationship with everyone reflects your relationship with yourself. If you continue to conflict with yourself, then you will continue to conflict with others; if you struggle with your own inner emotions, then you will also struggle with others emotionally. The problems we encounter in our relationship are our internal problems.

The relationships we attract reflect the characteristics we possess and present our inner self. Therefore, people who have problems with relationships should not only review your relationship with others, but also reflect on your relationship with yourself. Here are some questions you can self-examine:

"When I observe what you reflect on me, I feel _______." (Feelings such as anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)

"Which of my self do you reflect?"

The "external" problems that plague us are precisely the parts that "internal" cannot integrate. If you want to improve everything on the outside, you must start by changing the inside.

 

Rule 4: If you restrain others, you will also be restrained. The more you hate, the more restrained, the more you love, the more freedom.

 When you control others, you are also controlled; if you bind others, others will also bind you. Think about it, when you control others and forbid them to do this or that, what if they don't do what you say? What will you do? You will be unhappy, right? Your emotions are determined by others. Do you think they are under your control? No, you are actually in control.

An eye for an eye, everyone is blind

If you keep regurgitating old wounds in your memory, you have given the person and thing that caused the pain the strength to hurt you again and again. That's why I said that when you resent others, you also resent yourself to some extent.

How to completely eliminate the enemy? Turn the enemy into your friend!

You will find that the people who are the most difficult to forgive are the ones you need to forgive the most; the people who are the most difficult to let go are the ones you need to let go the most.

Rule 5: If you are very repulsive, it is a topic you must study. If you appreciate it, it can transform into love.

Our main interpersonal relationship constantly reflects what the subject of the study is.

Whether it is your boss, colleague, deployment, friend, lover, spouse or child, the personality, thoughts and behaviors that these people have that you don't like are often the parts you need to learn. They will reveal your shadow and repeat the words and deeds you hate over and over again for you to learn.

When someone points out your mistake, you get angry with that person, but is it his fault? No, he just helps you take out the "mouldy shadow" to bask in the sun.

You won’t get angry because someone says you want to steal a whale shark in the aquarium, because that’s something you don’t even want to do. However, if your wife says that you are traveling on a business trip to take the opportunity to "steal fishy", you may argue or even get angry. why? Because this kind of thing may happen, or has even happened. Yes, generally speaking, the closer the accusation is to the facts, the more likely you are to defend and get angry.

Therefore, when others accuse you in the future, don't attack or fight back as before. You have to start asking yourself, because what they said is likely to be true. If it's not true, why should you be so "serious", right?

People often say that godsend marriage, what is good marriage? The people closest to you are the ones who have the deepest "marriage" with you. The reason why they are arranged by your side is "for a reason". Therefore, don't say you don't like it or try to avoid them, because they are all "a good destiny given by God". You should make good use of this opportunity to transform yourself.

    what is love? To love is to appreciate what you don't like and don't love. If there are too many people and things that you hate or don't love around your life, it is because you have been repelling them, so they will appear again and again. You must learn the art of life-turning them into love.

   What's fun is that something happened during the study period. I made an appointment with a friend and changed the day's schedule for this. And this friend didn't show up for a day and didn't answer the phone.

At this moment, if you follow the previous model, there may be many reactions:

Anger: How can he do this! No credit! Not worth being friends!

Grief: I was ignored, and they don't take me seriously. I was hurt.

But reading is to practice in life. Thus, there is an opportunity to reflect on their own shadows.

It is true that I am late for an appointment, and sometimes I am embarrassed to tell someone directly, so I just find an excuse to send a text message.

It is easy to feel that being ignored is a long-standing problem, and the root cause is the injured inner child. If there is no such problem inwardly, it may not feel like this.

So this incident happened today to remind me that I am rejecting the part of myself that is not punctual and trustworthy. I must pay more attention to punctuality and trustworthiness, and pay more attention to the neglect caused by my inner child. feel.

If reading is not used in life, it can only be regarded as a pastime/killing time.

How to use it?

Some suggestions for everyone:

List your main relationships and the areas where you can't stand them the most.

Then write down how you feel when facing these unbearable traits (such as feelings of anger, fear, loss of control, confusion, etc.)

Quietly go deep inside and reflect on whether these traits that you can't stand the most also exist in you.Then record your reactions and feelings when interacting with these people in your life.

Doing so will help you understand your own shadows and integrate them, make yourself more complete, accept yourself, love yourself, and improve those relationships.